What You Need To Know About Play: Expert Advice from a Play Therapist, Improv Master, and Mom

Playing with our kids can sometimes feel like a task to check off of our to-do lists. Yes, we know that being playful is beneficial. Yet for most of us, it’s not always realistic.

Add in work, anxiety, fatigue, and stress… and the pressure to be present and playful often makes parents feel guilty.

When I started dreaming about this blog, one of the very first exciting ideas I had was to interview Jill Eickman, MFT.

Jill is the cofounder of Leela Improv, a fantastic improv theatre company in San Francisco where my sister performs. She is also an incredible improv actress herself, a psychotherapist, drama therapist, play therapist, and MOM!

(Side note: If you are in the Bay Area, you’ve got to check out one of Leela’s shows! The performers are amazing. They also offer classes for all levels… more on that at the end of this post!)

I’ve been looking forward to learning from Jill, so I’m very excited that this is “for real-life” right now.

(Yes, I’ve been watching a lot of Bluey)

Through interviewing Jill, I learned some surprising and reassuring things about playing with my children that I hope will be inspiring to you as well!

Here’s what she had to say:

1. Humor is powerful for family connection. TV “counts!”

Were your parents playful, creative, or silly during your childhood?

Did they have an influence on your life and career in the arts, specially theatre and improv?

Humor is a big part of my family. We were always telling jokes at the dinner table. And we watched a LOT of TV. While so many parents are concerned about screen time, I think differently. TV really supported my creativity, and we often watched TV together as a family. Which I think is the best way to watch TV.  This really allowed us all to LAUGH together.  It also helped us cultivate our family humor.

My dad played Barbies with my sister and me and told us bedtime stories that always had some comedic edge to them. And I think this really informed my own comedic sensibilities. 

While so many parents are concerned about screen time, I think differently. TV… really allowed us all to LAUGH together.

2. When it comes to play, it’s all about QUALITY over quantity. Limiting cell phone use is important.

Play is obviously a HUGE part of your life. Leela, the improv company you co-founded means “play” in Sanskrit. You are a licensed PLAY therapist (SO cool)!

You are also a MOM. How much is this type of creative, imaginative play a part of your daily life at home with your daughter?

YES! I’m very passionate about play. Before I became a mom, I was intensely studying and practicing as a play therapist. I started putting this pressure on myself to play with my daughter every waking hour. 

My husband pointed out to me that I was only a play therapist for the children I had as clients for 50 minutes a week and that I was clocking in with my daughter Autumn at four to eight hours a day of play! 

While play is fun, it can also be exhausting! I do put a lot of pressure on myself when I play with my daughter to do so in a way that is fully present, curious, and from a space of unconditional positive regard. Any choice she makes in her play, I “YES, AND” fully like a great improvisor. 

So, while I’m not playing 4-8 hours a day anymore, I make sure that the time I play with her is quality play time. I also want to encourage her to play with kids her age- and teach her how to be that high quality playmate for her friends. 

I started putting this pressure on myself to play with my daughter every waking hour…

3. Play isn’t always happy; it can be a way for kids to work through difficult emotions.

Sometimes kids are playing with some dark, sad material. Play is a way for kids to express what’s going on for them, problem-solve, and get curious about topics. So I make sure that I am in a good place. Laptop and cell phone turned off. I try my best to turn off the to-do list in my brain. 

4. Playing with our kids is a form of mindfulness.

Do you find that your training and life in improv has helped you as a parent? How so?

Oh, yes. Adaptation and flexibility is my super power.  With kids, plans need to be loose. As I coach parents as a therapist, “Kids are not robots.”  The only thing that you can control as a parent is your emotional reactions.  AND… kids are learning by example.

As a long-form improvisor, I often do this thing where I “zoom out” and notice the moment in the moment.  It’s like mindfulness- noticing the moment while being present in the moment.  This allows me to check in with myself as a parent, take a breath- and consider how I’d like to choose to respond. 

I “zoom out” and notice the moment in the moment.

5. Being present with our children can help us in other aspects of our lives.

Here’s the flip side of that last question. How have your KIDS influenced YOU in your career as an improv artist, educator, and therapist?

My daughter is very curious, and really wants to know the WHY of most things. She has really stretched me to think about so many things. Why we take a bath, go to school, eat dinner, have money… it’s just endless. 

And I want to give her a good answer. One that will continue to encourage her thirst for knowledge, curiosity, and creativity. When I am answering these questions, I tend to think more deeply about my own WHYs. 

Why I teach what I teach, do what I do for work, say what I say. And these answers just inform my work even deeper as an artist, educator, and therapist. I’m getting A TON of cross training in the art of WHY with my daughter. 

6. Play can actually be healing for us as adults.

You essentially get to play for a living. Sounds amazing. BUT, we don’t always feel like playing, right? Life is freakin’ hard sometimes.

And being a mom is often physically and emotionally draining.

Do you find that play helps pull you out of a funk, or does it sometimes have to be a kind of fake-it-til-you-make-it situation?

As I mentioned before, play is a form of mindfulness for me. When I take a yoga class or engage in meditation, this is practicing individual presence for me. But improv is group presence. We need to be present with ourselves, the others we are playing with, and that ZOOM OUT where we are present to the moments we create together. 

And yes, I don’t always feel like being that present. It’s A LOT.  But when I am, time can disappear.

And it is just beautiful medicine. I get migraines a lot- and have had moments performing improv literally heal my migraine.  I believe play and improv can create a healing effect when one is fully present to a compassionate and creative collaboration.

I have had moments performing improv literally heal my migraine.

7. Play shouldn’t feel like a sacrifice; find something you BOTH enjoy.

How important is it for parents to actually be having fun when they play with their kids?

In other words, how valuable is it to spend time together doing things that aren’t just for the sake of the children but are genuinely enjoyable for the adults, too?

We often think that we need to be so careful with our words with kids. But what I have learned most as a child therapist and parent is that children actually take in the most information from what’s not said.  The words aren’t that important. 

A parent’s presence is vital. Kids crave their parents’ attention. My daughter filled out this questionnaire about me for a Mother’s Day gift in preschool, and she said her favorite thing about her mom is that I play with her. That just melted my heart.

I do enjoy playing with my kid. I’m passionate about play and imagination and creativity. And my daughter loves to play too. It’s something we can enjoy together. 

So maybe you are a family who loves sports, or reading, or camping. I don’t think it’s the activity that you do that really matters that much. It’s more that you are both enjoying this time together. Fully present for each other while having a great time doing it. 

I don’t think it’s the activity that really matters that much. It’s more that you are both enjoying this time together.

8. If you want to transform your parenting, consider taking an improv class!

What advice might you have for tired parents who want to be more playful, silly, and creative with their kids, but they don’t really enjoy playing?

Haha! Take an Improv Class. I know it sounds like a sales pitch- but improv classes can be so good for parents. It will give you the time to carve out a little creative space for yourself, to allow that inner kid inside you have some time to shine. 

It can be really hard to find that time as a parent between work and child care and all the other adulting tasks.  And I’m sure after taking class, an improv mindset will start to organically integrate into your parenting style.  You’ll become more flexible, and light-hearted, and be able to quickly get into that playful spirit with your child at a moment’s notice. 

9. You don’t always have to come up with a plan. Let your child “be the director.”

Also, turn the phone off. Get present with your kid, and they will naturally play with you. Don’t try to control the play. Let them be the director, and “yes, and” their choices. 

I often try to imagine myself as my daughter’s toy. Like a piece of clay she gets to mold.

Ask them questions. “Who should I be?” “What’s happening in the story?” “What happens next?”

And go where they want you to go, even if they want you to be an evil character or play a story that’s dark. Rather than say “no,” get curious, and they will invite you into their creativity.

MY TAKEAWAY:

Jill emphasizes quality over quantity when it comes to play. Presence over perfection.

I find it comforting that, as an expert on play, Jill is not telling us to constantly drop everything and play with our kids. Carving out some time for genuine, undistracted connection through play is what matters most.

I’m so grateful to Jill for taking the time to share these thoughts with us!

Are you planning on trying to make more time for playing with your child? If you need some ideas for easy, no-prep ways to play that are also fun for adults, subscribe here to get my “Three Easy Ways to Bring More Fun and Connection Into Your Home Today”