Embracing Joyful Parenting: Ten Valuable Lessons from a Teacher's Laughter

Want to learn about joy? Meet Michelle Nelson, a remarkable middle school teacher and 5th grade chair at the school where I have the privilege of directing musical theatre productions for our talented middle schoolers.

In my first year on the job, I received a valuable piece of advice: invite Mrs. Nelson to sit in the audience and witness our final dress rehearsal. Why? Because she was renowned for her infectious laughter—a joyous, bubbling, and downright loud cackle.

Knowing that kind of presence would boost the students’ confidence and prepare them for opening night, I immediately invited Michelle! And as anticipated, her laughter and applause echoed through the entire theater, filling the space with an overwhelming sense of joy and creating a supportive, warm atmosphere.

From that moment on, it became an annual tradition for Michelle to grace our final dress rehearsals, and she even encouraged other staff members and faculty to join her in experiencing the magic. Michelle, by herself, always laughs harder and claps louder than our entire opening night crowd!

Courtesy of Franklin Road Academy

But Michelle’s impact doesn’t stop there. Beyond her contagious laughter, she is known for spreading random moments of joy and humor throughout the school. Whether it’s through school-wide emails filled with amusing GIFs or uplifting messages, she effortlessly brings a smile to everyone’s face. In the hallways, she’s the teacher everyone wants to greet, and her presence leaves a lasting impression on all who encounter her.

Here’s what Annabel, now entering her senior year of high school, remembers about having Mrs. Nelson as a fifth grader:

“Mrs. Nelson had no trouble connecting with her students. From my first day of school in Nashville, I could tell she truly cared about me. Her different voices while reading books made learning enjoyable and funny.

I’ll never forget playing “Gotcha” with the basketball hoop in her classroom, and hanging out on her couches. She created a comfortable environment for learning and fun which, for me, rarely coexisted.”

As a mother herself, Michelle possesses a unique perspective on the power of joy and laughter when working with children. That’s why I knew she would be the perfect person to interview, diving into the profound impact of laughter and happiness on young minds.

I am so inspired by Michelle’s insights on how joy and laughter can shape lasting connections.

Here are my takeaways from our conversation:

1. Laughter is powerful.

You are known in the school community for your LAUGH. It’s infectious. It’s loud. It’s free and joyful.

Have you always laughed like this? What allows you to feel so uninhibited when it comes to sharing your joy?

YES – I laugh loud and proud and always have, much to the chagrin of many of my teachers in school!

Credit goes to my extended family on this one. My maternal grandparents firmly insisted on kindness and love and laughter in my big southern family.

When we gather, we are “that family” in restaurants cackling and toasting and enjoying life, so it never occurs to me to censor happiness.

I am not very good at being “cool.” At the end of the day, if the worst thing people can say about me is that I laugh with abandon, hug too tightly, or love too easily, that is a legacy I can totally live with.

My sweet mama chose to ENJOY her loud, happy daughter rather than squelch the fun out of me, and for that I am forever thankful.

2. Joy is a choice.

Are there any specific memories or family traditions from your childhood that you feel have influenced your sense of humor, playful nature, and love for children?

There are several key moments that shaped my decision to often choose JOY.

The first is an early understanding that life on Earth is short. I lost two young cousins that both died young when I was growing up. I witnessed my family in moments of unimaginable pain choosing to focus on their faith and the wonderful memories we make together as they navigated really dark times. They chose joy over what could easily have grown into bitterness, and that developed a genuine decision within me that being “happy” was something I had control over.

Secondly, planning “family time” is a priority. Camping, holidays, VRBO reunions, graduations, weddings – all those things are BETTER with a family that decides to have FUN.

Time for PLAY was important in my family, and my photo albums are filled with themed picnics, card games, egg dying, cookie baking silliness of just enjoying time together.

Lastly, loving children was an expectation for everyone. I lived in a multi-generational, big, loud, extended family community. We depended on each other — including the kids — to help with chores, gardening, and meal preparations.

I grew up with people who understood that children can be independent, capable additions to a cooperative family.

michelle nelson teacher and husband posing with silly goofy smiles at cheekwood lights in nashville

3. Humor is the master key for unlocking authentic connections with kids.

How does having a sense of humor help you as a teacher?

Do you have any specific anecdotes or scenarios that you can share where humor helped you get through to a child who needed some extra love, or any other examples in which it made connection easier?

I don’t know how anyone enjoys teaching WITHOUT a sense of humor! Let’s be honest, if you do not genuinely love kids, teaching for a living is NOT for you.

I like children better than most adults, frankly. I was blessed with several teachers that really impacted my life for the better, and blessed with some terrible teacher experiences — both types of interactions built who I am in the classroom.

I firmly believe that I make the weather in my classroom, and I want to live in the sunshine!

Optimal learning occurs when our basic needs are met. Am I safe? Am I hungry? Am I accepted here? It is up to the adult to create that safe space, and for me, humor is an easy route to giving kids permission to be themselves.

Much of that comes from admitting my own faults and mistakes and laughing them off. For example, spelling is a weakness for me, so I will often ask for help spelling a difficult word. It makes the kids giggle that the “teacher” doesn’t have all the right answers and they jump in to “help” me, creating a two-way street to learning WITH each other.

I think it is also really important to note that I am never laughing AT a child, only WITH them. Humor has to be safe for kids, or the teacher just becomes a bully.

I tell stories about my weekends and laugh at their stories, giggle when someone says “duty” (bathroom humor is always a middle-school winner), and just be REAL.

My students would say that I love it when people fall, and I do. I blame too much America’s Funniest Videos, but middle-schoolers just FALL so much and I find it hilarious. Basically, my Peter Pan, never grow up attitude wins most kids over!

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If something happens in class that is funny, and it DOES — LAUGH. You will be happier and so will the students!

Humor is an easy route to giving kids permission to be themselves.

4. Making connections with tweens/teens is easier than most people think.

What are your tips for connecting with kids, especially those in this age group?

1. Show up.

I see my kids outside the classroom. Sports. Plays. Dance recitals. If they ask, I go. Showing up matters.

2. Be real.

I am who I am, every day. I am not trying to be skinny or be 16 again or play mind games with my students. I am a mom, a believer, a teacher, and an advocate for kids.

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5. Putting playfulness at the top of your list and investing effort into joy is totally worth it.

As a mother, did playfulness come naturally to you when your daughter was younger? Was it something you ever had to work at?

Being a mom is tough, isn’t it? Let’s acknowledge that first.

I don’t live on a comedy club stage…life is hard! I think everyone has to work at remembering to PLAY these days.

The only title I ever wanted was “mom,” and I take my opportunity to be a mother very seriously.

For me, it was important to figure out what my daughter’s currency was and capitalize on that. My daughter craves time. Time that I am all hers.

In 2023, that put-the-phone down, close-the-laptop kind of time is a sacrifice indeed. I certainly had to work at that!

I admit, I am not a very good female friend because of this commitment to the mom I want to be. I WILL hang up on you if my daughter calls my phone. I don’t answer emails when she wants time with me. Time with my family is the number one priority, and that definitely takes strong boundaries.

I don’t live on a comedy club stage…life is hard! I think everyone has to work at remembering to PLAY these days.

6. It’s important to understand your child’s unique connection needs.

Any specific tips or ideas for parents wanting to connect with their kids?

All children are not the same — some like gifts, some like quiet time, some want you in the stands at their games — you have to define what feeds the connection with your children and make room for that when you can.

I have three suggestions here:

1. Make Snow Days COUNT.

JOIN the excitement of having a bonus day IN. I keep pancake mix, syrup, and frozen sausage in the house at all times. We ALWAYS make snow day pancakes. Get out the sled.

PLAY. Yes, there will be more laundry. Yes, you will miss some work. And…the world will continue to spin.

Everything will be FINE…GO PLAY!

2. Be a gamer.

Whether it is a card game, a video game, or a puzzle, PLAY THE GAME.

Create a family game night once a month. Play trivia for thirty minutes before bedtime. Buy a remote to play the video game TOGETHER.

You will learn more about your child in those gaming minutes than you ever will asking, “how was your day at school” over chicken nuggets at dinner.

Need some super fun, no-prep game ideas? Sign up to get my three favorites emailed to you right now!

3. Plan a surprise “mental health” day.

If you can use PTO, take a day off. Send the teacher an email and just say, “Maggie won’t be at school today.”

Declare a PJ day and watch Netflix. Go to a nice restaurant for a lunch date. Enjoy a movie matinee! Hike. Golf.

Have a plan, send the email, and take a day to make a memory! Yup, they might miss a math quiz. Mrs. Grumpy McGrumpigus will get over it.

You will learn more about your child in those gaming minutes than you ever will asking, “how was your day at school” over chicken nuggets at dinner.

7. Humor and vulnerability do not diminish respect from our children; it’s quite the opposite!

Being a teacher and a parent can both be really stressful gigs.

Some adults are afraid that by loosening up too much or being too gentle, they will lose the respect of their students or kids.

Yet, you seem to have both the utmost most respect from everyone who knows you AND a reputation for joy, lightheartedness, and humor. How do you find that balance?

That is a tricky one, isn’t it? I look to Matthew 5:15-16 for this one. That’s the verse about not hiding your light under a bushel basket, but letting it shine to glorify God.

I always say I HOPE what people see when they look at me is my LIGHT. I do my best to live out my faith, and for me that means loving the students in my care unconditionally.

Unconditional love doesn’t mean you don’t have expectations, learning targets, and goals. I do. I am clear and fair with rules and boundaries for my daughter and for my students.

And I am also clear that we all, collectively, chose joy. Kids are great mirrors, aren’t they? I take responsibility for creating a safe, comfortable, intentional environment for learning and they reflect that expectation.

Students do not respect teachers because they are TOLD to respect them. Students respect teachers who respect THEM. And I do! I ENJOY the tiny humans around me; if you are a teacher who doesn’t, it’s time to find a new job.

Students do not respect teachers because they are TOLD to respect them. Students respect teachers who respect THEM.

As for the balance, life can really be about perspective. I find that humans create so much drama and worry about things that, frankly, won’t matter ten days from now.

I am lighthearted because, in reality, I have a wonderful life! I have my faith, my family, a home, a career I love, and my health.

I CAN get all riled up about a student that doesn’t bring his laptop to school. OR, I can remember he is eleven years old and executive functioning skills take time to acquire, remind him of the expectation, then tell him about the time a bus driver at my school ran right over a girls backpack and crushed her PC like a bug!

He laughs. I laugh. Life moves on. He won’t remember that one time in 5th grade he forgot his laptop at home, but he will remember that I loved him well in that year that he spent with me.

That is the balance. What is important in that moment of crisis for a child verses what is the ultimate goal we seek as educators?

I don’t “win” by making the most rules, placing academic rigor above relationships, or leading an authoritative classroom. I win when students, like Annabel, remembers they were loved, given my attention and my time, and thrived in a classroom environment I created for them.

8. When joy feels hard to access, start small.

What advice might you have for parents who may be struggling to access humor and joy because of the stressful nature of being a parent (and a human)?

Humor and joy aren’t popular anymore, are they? We are surrounded by fear, hate, and negativity from all directions, for sure.

I’m not minimizing that; parenting and teaching in 2023 IS difficult. And. We can do hard things.

Start small.

Go for a quick ice cream cone with no cell phone, just you and them.

Drive to the carwash and let your kid DJ the music in the car the whole way.

Start a puzzle on the dining room table everyone can help piece together.

If you bite off more than you can chew, you will go right back to feeling like you cannot juggle it all. Start SMALL.

Small quantities of quality time can build lasting connections.

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9. Your calendar is a helpful tool for planning little moments of joy.

We’re all busy, over-scheduled, and tired. How do we make time for play?

YOU are the adult. Your time has opportunity costs for your family; there is no shame in that!

Never feel like a bad parent for intentionally scheduling time for your family. You absolutely SHOULD pick the best time and place for YOU to have the emotional and mental capacity to focus on your kids, so POP IT IN THE CALENDAR!

I know, it isn’t “spontaneous,” but your kids DO NOT HAVE TO KNOW THAT! Planning in advance will not lessen the experience you create for your children.

Show up with donuts at recess! Be home standing at the leaf pile when the bus drops them off on a fall day. Print the March Madness bracket and place bets with quarters.

Small quantities of quality time can build lasting connections.

BE YOU and invite your children into what you love. Palpable joy comes from doing what we love, so bring the kids along for the ride!

10. Embrace and share your unique definition of joy and fun.

Any more wise parting words from Mrs. Nelson?

Don’t let someone else’s idea of “fun” define your family time.

Some of my best family memories are watching soap operas after-school with my great-grandmother while she gave advice to the on-screen actors with amnesia or some life-threatening illness on their deathbeds.

So ridiculous, right? But I swear I cannot smell an apple and not think of her making my apple slices and sitting me beside her for her “shows” after school.