Free to Be Real: Authentic Parenting Insights from a Singer-Songwriter Dad

I first heard of Justin Farren from our mutual friend, Andrew. We were on a road trip and Andrew introduced me to Justin’s music. My first impression was that I was struck by the freedom in his writing. 

As a songwriter myself, I have often stressed about the “shoulds” of songwriting — the format, the rhyme schemes, etc. But, Justin didn’t stick to traditional song formats or lengths. He didn’t worry about any of that stuff.

Yet, his songs were incredibly refreshing, compelling, hilarious, and moving. Listening to Justin’s music made ME feel more free and less uptight in my own artistry.

I’ve since gotten to know Justin on a more personal level through a special, small monthly online songwriting group, “The Tunesmiths.” I’ve been fortunate enough to have a front row seat to brand new songs from his genius, weird, wonderful mind each month for the last few years. 

Justin’s song “Always a Little Less Time” hit me in the heart SO hard that it inspired the way I thought about and wrote my own wedding vows. I still think about the song often. It’s linked right here in this paragraph, and you should go ahead, stop reading now, and just listen to it — especially if you are a parent.

Seriously. Go listen now!

Justin is also husband to Kerry, a creative, special human herself. They have a sweet little girl, Amelia, who, from what I’ve seen, seems to feel incredibly free to be herself. Kerry and Amelia have both made appearances in Justin’s monthly songs in the form of family jams, complete with hula hooping, fiddling, and carefree laughter.

If that doesn’t sum up family joy, I don’t know what does.

I figured Justin would be the perfect person to ask about the importance of creativity and authenticity in parenthood. He graciously agreed to let me interview him, and I loved hearing what he had to say!

Here are some nuggets of wisdom I gained from chatting with Justin:

1. The to-do list will always be long. Give yourself permission to be “free” and make time for what matters most.

Justin, as I was thinking of questions to ask you, the word “free” kept popping into my head. Freedom in your songwriting. In your family. In your life.

Then I remembered something. Your latest album is called “Pretty Free!” Can you tell me about that title?

I’ve kind of thought about each of my albums as a sort of phase of my life. The phrase, “Pretty Free” just kind of sums up this section of my life.

It’s like, when someone says, “Hey, what are you doing on Saturday?” And you’re like, “You know, well, I’ve got this and this, but I’m pretty free in the afternoon.”

And that’s where it started. It’s the idea that there’s so much shit to do. I mean, there’s just a crushing amount of things that are constantly lining up for you to handle at this point in your life [as an adult and parent].

And, at the same time, you can make time to do the things that are important, you know? It’s there. It’s hard, but it’s there. I think that’s where that came from; I’m always “pretty free.” I can make the choice to do whatever thing is actually calling to me.

I also have to acknowledge that there’s just like an enormous backlog of things that I feel like I’m behind on. And that just is what it is.

You can make time to do the things that are important, you know? It’s hard, but it’s there.

2. There is no “correct” way to do things. Embracing your unique quirkiness will serve you and your family better than trying to fit in.

Throughout your music, there is a noticeable sense of freedom in your writing. How did you develop the ability to break away from traditional song formats and styles and embrace your uniqueness?

I’ve never really liked like this “school environment,” you know? The idea that there is a “correct” way to do things. That’s the little brother stuff in me. 

When I started playing shows out in the world, the only shows I could get were bar shows and breweries and stuff like that. And in those shows, the only time people would pay attention to me is if I would do something kind of unexpected, quirky, or weird in the song.

That has developed a lot over the years. But I think that’s how it started; just like, “The only way to get people’s attention is to not do what you’re supposed to do.”

3. Releasing control and shame empowers the growth of free, confident kids.

As a father, how have you nurtured an environment where your daughter, Amelia, feels comfortable being herself and expressing her true nature?

I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school, all the way from kindergarten through 12th grade. Kerry had a similar upbringing. There is a sort of undercurrent of shame in that upbringing.

With Amelia, it’s been a real focus of ours to not give her any of that. To not hand her any of the feeling that, just by existing, she’s done something wrong.

We let her know that she is naturally really great and we don’t feel the need to shape that a whole bunch. And I think that that’s just been from the beginning. Hopefully, that’s feeling that she’s gotten from her childhood.

I’m sure that we’ll screw up. But the hope is that, through affirmation from us and also through positive experiences of her own, she will get that sense.

I’m not a good micro-manager of things, people, or experiences. My wife is the same. It’s not really our strength to make sure everything goes well for other people or for ourselves.

For us, it’s less about making the perfect plan and more about just being fluid and flexible as things happen. Trying to stay positive in the face of things being not exactly what you would hope for. 

And so, I think that Amelia’s picked up on that. I also secretly hope that she turns into one of those people that can make a really great plan and make things happen for herself, because I’ve never been able to do that. And then she can plan stuff out for all of us!

I’m not a good micro-manager. It’s less about making the perfect plan and more about just being fluid and flexible as things happen.

4. Insecurity and vulnerability are inevitable for children as they grow. The best we can do is continue to offer unwavering support.

Many people experience a loss of freedom and self-expression as they grow older, often due to societal pressures. How do you plan to continue fostering Amelia’s ability to unapologetically be herself as she grows up?

I think a lot of it’s foundational. She’s had a pretty easy time being herself, getting her own self-approval, and giving herself permission to be very expressive. I hope that that just naturally carries through.

I know that as she ages, friend influence and external stuff will come into play. I feel like that’s part of the deal, you know? Like, that’s like a big part of shaping how you’re going to be as an adult and and how you’re going to handle things as they come. You need to go through this kind of phase of insecurity or whatever the teenage years are that are so weird.

I think, if anything, we’ll just to continue to affirm for her that she’s cool, and that, bottom line, we have endless faith in her. Whatever happens, we’re just going to be there. There isn’t a thing that she could do to screw it up.

I feel like [insecurity] is just part of the deal. That’s a big part of shaping how you’re going to handle things as they come. Whatever happens, we’re just going to be there.

5. Consider an alternative to TV as your usual go-to family activity.

Creativity and connection seem to be central in your family. Can you share some examples of how your family engages in creative activities together, whether it’s through music, art, or imaginative play?

Creativity comes into play pretty constantly here. Amelia loves doing any artistic thing, whether it be painting, singing, knitting projects… she’s always making things. She’s very crafty and into that type of self-expression. And it’s always been a part of her day-to-day. 

One thing about us: we’ve never really watched much TV as a family. And so what that’s done is just left evenings kind of open, like “What are we doing tonight?”

That causes us to be like, “Well, we could…” and then we hopefully will wind up on a creative thing. We end up doing something together, even like playing board games, instead of just that plop-down-and-watch-TV-thing, which is totally a thing that happens every once in a while, too.

But like, if we can avoid it, you know what I mean? And I think that’s really directed Amelia more towards finding creative things to do in her downtime. 

And so when you and Kerry were kids, was plopping down in front of the TV your typical night with your family?

Oh, yeah. 

Do you think that has influenced your decision as parents to not have TV as your automatic go-to family activity? 

Yes, totally. I totally feel like I missed out on some chances to be more self-confident, expressive, and creative when I was younger, because I was just like watching TGIF, you know what I mean? So I definitely feel that way. 

I’m thinking of busy moms of toddlers, like myself, who are in the middle of the day just trying to go to the bathroom, take a work call, or make lunch or something like that. TV is a tool on which a lot of us parents gratefully rely.

But, what I’m hearing you say is: you’re not knocking that. You get it. You’re saying, if you’re hanging out with your family, wondering, “What should we do?” You’d rather try not to have TV be your go-to answer. See if there’s another option, first. Is that right?

Yeah! And I don’t say any of this this with any judgement. I totally understand that need.

It really just comes down to: if we have the option to do something else, I’ve always found it to be rewarding. Even if it was weird or uncomfortable at first, it has always been good for connection.

6. There is power in how we choose to respond.

And, if so, how do you manage to maintain that carefree, laid-back spirit and be present and joyful with your family while remaining emotionally available, especially in a world with so much pain and sadness?

I’m always amazed when artists can really take in the amount of sadness and pain and difficulty there is, make great art out of it, and not have it just tear them apart, you know?

For me, it’s a sort of choose-your-battles type of thing. I learned a long time ago that there’s really only a couple of things that I have any say in. What I do have is my choice in how I respond to my experiences.

And I’m choosing to respond in a way that feels authentic, but at the same time, recognizing that it’s all pretty temporary and, even if I were to design a perfect existence, I could step back from that perfect existence and still find holes in it. 

So to me, it’s about how I am choosing to direct my energy in life. How much of my energy do I want to spend wallowing, and how much of it do I want to spend loving my family or trying to make the best art I can make? 

If you look at things in that bigger picture kind of way, it gets simpler to sort it, and just knock things right off the top of your list of things to be concerned about.

I get hung up on this a lot, because there are many world issues I care about deeply, but it’s heavy and draining to worry so much all the time.

I hear you saying: If you know that you are not going to solve this today, focus on making the world a better place by loving your family and friends well and putting good energy out there? Is that right? 

Totally. You’ve built your day-to-day through years of life choices. I mean, you’ve picked what you do with your days and you have a choice to approach it with kindness, love, and open-heartedness. 

It really is your choice as to how you’re going to do that. And if you’re super passionate about civil rights, politics, international affairs, or whatever, then, by all means steer the ship in that direction and go for it. Do that stuff. 

But if you’re not, and you’re just being irritated by the news cycle or inflamed by a general sense of powerlessness… nothing is serving you there. None of that is actually making things better. 

So, I try to reframe and look at the things that I can approach and do them to my best ability.

8. Remember what made you feel free and joyful as a child, and do that with your child. 

For parents who may feel exhausted, stressed, and overwhelmed, but yearn to rediscover a more free, playful version of themselves, what advice would you offer to help them reconnect with their inner freedom and joy?

I think it helps to do things that you remember feeling free doing. 

Like, I remember when I was a kid, I loved playing soccer. It was what I wanted to do all the time. So, when Amelia and I have gone to the park and kicked the ball back and forth, it’s not a struggle for me to remember what it feels like to be a kid in those instances, because I remember doing it as a kid and loving it.

And so, try to recall those things that were really special and instances in which you kind of lit up when you were doing them when you were a kid.  And try to take the time to do those with your kids. 

I think we kind of do that naturally. But if you could lean into it more, you could find more of those weird things, like the first time you made ice cream or whatever. Stuff like that.

Because it takes you out of this sort of “not fun” adult brain that we unfortunately have to develop in order to survive, you know? 

So, like, anytime you can, leave that stuff behind. I’m really lucky, because my wife is really good at that and has a ton of cool things that she does that are creative and sort of snap us out of the humdrum stuff.

So, if you can, find those things that were meaningful to your childhood and do them like you did when you were a kid. 

Respect yourself. Try and find things that are actually fun for you to do with your kids.

Sure, there are certain things you have to structure for your kid, of course, but free time and play… that’s not what it’s about.

It’s about just being there. And finding the thing that helps you be there. Not necessarily finding the perfect activity for the kids, you know? 

Respect yourself. Try and find things that are actually fun for you to do with your kids.

Summing it up…

I loved learning from Justin’s perspective as an artist and father. He’s inspired me to further embrace my own quirks and feel free to be myself, hopefully passing that sense of freedom onto my kids by example. 

So many of the ideas I share on this blog come directly from my own childhood. Most of the games and activities I enjoy doing with my kids today are the very things that inspired laughter and creativity when I was a kid.

A Playful Heart: Creative Play For The Best Childhood Memories

So, I really appreciate Justin’s suggestion that parents think back to their own childhoods, try to remember what sparked excitement and joy for them, and share that with their kids. 

A theme I’ve been noticing in these interviews: Joyful people tend to believe in the power of how we respond to situations. They emphasize that we have a choice in our own happiness. I’m going to try and take a page out of Justin’s book and apply this to my worrywart self. 

Embracing Joyful Parenting: Ten Valuable Lessons from a Teacher’s Laughter

I hope Justin has inspired and empowered to be your true self, in all your glorious weirdness. 

Now… go learn more about him and check out his incredible music!

Did this article make you think back and remember things you loved in your own childhood? I’d love to hear your thoughts and memories in the comments!